Sunday, 31 March 2013

THE SPACE-NINJA, COWBOY PIRATES THAT TIME FORGOT



The ship cruised silently thought the voids of space causing hardly a ripple on the fabric of reality, Joshua Make-piece knew his ship and how to control it, and she had seen him through a number of close calls in the past few years. He liked this time of the day, the quiet time, time when his crew had logged off for the day leaving him at the helm.

The concept of day and night didn’t really exist in space, with no orbiting sun there was nothing to reference against, so the ship kept count for them, though their enemies didn’t care what time they attacked and he could count four times so far that he’d had to get out of the bath in order to decapitate some bad guy or other, and he’d usually had to refill it afterwards as the water seemed to go cold quickly in space.

It had taken him almost half a century to collect his crew, travelling the far flung reaches of the universe picking up the best, the brightest and the toughest that he came across. Mad John McGrunderer he’d found on a small asteroid, as he survived on all that remained of his planet, though he didn’t like to talk about what happened to the rest of it. Plain Jane the Ninja Queen had joined him after the massacre of Aisle Two on Tesco seven. Gunder Jack and Psycho Bill had escaped from Juniper 21 using only a used toothbrush and a bag of marbles, and Bill Brain-Smasher was just a very good cook. He stared out into the darkness before him, lost in his own thoughts when there came a knock at the door.

“Enter.” He called, in his crisp English accent.

“Beggin your pardon, Captain.” Mad John grinned, “But me and the boys just wondered if you fancied doing something. You know, to pass the time sort of thing.”

“You mean a rescue, or an attack on a heavily defended outpost?” The captain’s eyes sparked, “Maybe to go head to head against the Jukiluk Bird of Ontar one, naked and armed with only a spatula?”

“No, not really.” Mad John shook his head. “Jane was thinking of Monopoly.”

             Captain Joshua Make-piece looked out onto the sea of dark matter outside his cockpit. “What the hell.” He nodded. “But I want to be the doggy.”

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